Mission: Myself.

First of all, I laugh at the horrendously pathetic attempts I make to use alliteration in my titles. How cheesy. =P Okay, on to business.

Sometimes I wonder where the line is to be drawn between the selfishness of wanting to hear from God while doing His work and the reality that God speaks to the minister as well as those to whom ministry is being done. The Salvation Army Student Fellowship on campus has their annual Missions Trip coming up. We leave this coming Friday and are going to be in the southwest Ohio region until next Sunday. This is a very exciting trip for me, because I used to live down there, and I look forward to returning for a brief visit to familiar areas. But we're also going to be working with teens and helping with praise and worship for meetings, which are two of my favorite things to do in the church, so my excitement level is raised all the more.

However, with the number of people going, and the lack of difficulty in our tasks this coming week, I find myself wondering why I'm going. It's not like I made a conscious decision to go: I'd had planned all along to go and it really wasn't a decision for me to make; I was just going. My specific tasks on this trip aren't anything special. I'm leading a few songs, singing with the band, moderating a game or two, and giving a testimony. Simple, right? And easily covered should I become incapacitated for some reason or another. So, what's my purpose for going? I'm not needed. It's not imperative that I go along. So, why am I?

I'm not thinking of backing out. I still want to go. It should be fun, and I don't serve people enough in my life, so I'm hoping that this gets me into a habit of offering my time and talents to others. I also want to get something out of this trip. I want something for me. I want to hear God speak to me, give me some direction, urge me to grow through something specific. I almost want that more than I want to serve. Is it wrong to be so selfish about a missions trip? Everybody I've ever met that's gone overseas on a missions trip talks about how their own lives were changed while they thought they were going to change the lives of others... am I allowed to want that even before I leave?

It's taking a great deal of attention to not become self-centered about this trip. I don't want to view this as a mini-homecoming for myself. I don't want to get caught up in the trap of "I've been in the Army all my life, and I know how things operate, so I'm better at this than you." Unfortunately, I've done that before. It doesn't get me any friends, I'll tell you that much. I don't want to get all pout-y because I'm not the center of attention. Because honestly, one of my biggest faults is that I have real problems with favoritism when it's not directed towards me. But I don't want my focus to be on what I'm going to learn, either. Somehow I feel that that's selfish, too; that it distracts me from the work that I will be doing.

So how much of this desire for myself is valid? How much of it am I allowed to indulge in without feeling like I've turned an opportunity to serve the Lord into an act of self-idolatry? And most importantly, how can I focus my attention where it needs to be, changing my thoughts so that I can be of the utmost use where God chooses? I don't know that I have anything to offer these adults and youth groups that we'll be working with. And with my current mindset, I don't know if anything that I could potentially give is going to be worth anything. It's not that I'm pessimistic about being used. I honestly don't know if I'm in the right frame of mind to be utilized. Got any idea?

Silence Sings

I'm in silence. I woke up on Saturday without a voice. I hadn't been screaming, I hadn't been singing too much, and there was nothing I could do to stop the cold that suddenly pounced on me from taking my voice. There is no rapid cure for laryngitis, no matter what the cause. In the meantime, I do what I can, drinking more tea than is healthy for the average college student, enough water to match, and talking with as much force as I can, since I'm told that whispering is about the worst thing I could do. I'm sitting in the coffee shop as I type, with a rapidly cooling cup of tea to my left, mocking me as if it knows that I have no choice but to drink up. I am so sick of tea right now.
Probably the best thing for me would be to take a few naps in a day, but being a college student, life gets busy quickly, and as of late, that has not been a viable option. My friends try to help by telling me to shut up in order to get my voice back faster, but there's a sneaking suspicion in me that there's an ulterior motive behind each demand. It's not easy for me to be quiet; I'm a verbal person by nature. I love to talk, and I rely on my speech to effectively communicate. I don't really know any other way. And it doesn't help that I've had to lead class discussions in the meantime.
So, when this happens at any other point in time, I end up being a state of self-reflection, attempting to garner some kind of spiritual lesson out of it for myself, because obviously, God speaks through everything, right? Usually, the conclusion that I come to is that God just wants me to shut up and listen. To Him, to others, and just take the focus off of myself. That in-and-of itself is a difficult task, but especially when you're sick and you need to focus on your own wellbeing. But I would try, constantly reminding myself to change my focus, to look at someone else or try to feel the Spirit.
Confession: I come from a traditional church background and have always been skeptical of charismatic churches, not for their theology, but because the people that I've met from them give me an overall sense of distrust. I'm sure I'll talk more about at some point later. I say that to provide a sense of understanding for my next 'radical' statement: I don't feel the Spirit.
Now, let me explain. I'm not saying that I've never known God's presence or I've never felt the moving of God speaking to me. I have, just not often. And when I take the time to sit and purposely yearn and look for the Lord, He doesn't seem to want to show up. He likes to catch me off-guard. I'm getting better at the discipline of being still and meditating. But at the moment, it is the times when I've decided to shut up and listen that I don't hear a thing.
So here's my controversial point. God doesn't always speak. God gives us common sense and the ability and blessing of literacy so that we learn and know things about Him that stay with us. God's portable! We don't have to wait and ask to meet with Him and have Him speak with us. He speaks and expects us to listen, or at leasts allows it to wait and take time to sink in for those moments when we actually pause our lives. Sometimes He lets us do it ourselves. So God didn't take away my voice so that I'll listen to Him more intently. I'm sick. It happens. And if I'm really ready to do some soul-searching, I'm sure I've got a huge stockpile of things to dwell on that He's told me beforehand.
Okay, maybe that's not so controversial after all.

The Pathos Pulpit

Jay Heinrichs, author of Thank You for Arguing, is a sarcastic cynic at best and a rhetorician at worst, which is probably why I liked to read him so much. I'm currently taking a class that is focusing at the moment primarily on rhetoric and persuasion, and Heinrichs was the first author we read. On the whole, my class agreed that his tips for successful persuasion and the concepts that he introduced tended more toward manipulation; propaganda, if you will, than persuasion. He said that it was more important for an argument to win than understanding one's audience and their concerns, their opinions, their questions, and how they view you. His ethics seem to be questionable, but his strategies are definitely ones that work. I suppose one could argue means to an end.
However, with all of the talk concerning public speaking and politics and persuasion, the back of my mind kept hounding me about another venue where rhetoric can be used...the pulpit. How often do the leaders of the church apply the principles of rhetoric from the pulpit? Principles like:

code grooming: using insider language to build group identity - "Christianese" in this case

pathos: argument by pure emotion - the 'hellfire awaits, save your soul now' approach popularly used by televangelists

ethos: the credibility of the speaker - is the mega-church pastor more holy or does he know more about the Scriptures than the pastor of the small church on the back road?

turning the volume up: adding little things to your argument to make it seem bigger than it is, larger than life - Can I get an Amen?!

Now, being in front of an audience means that your normal speech is adapted. And the principles of rhetoric do not have to be used without ethics, as Heinrichs may advocate. However, does the Church fall into the trap of using manipulative maneuvers from the pulpit, twisting the meaning of the Scriptures or using language to pull on the heartstrings of the congregation instead of the Spirit, instead of approaching the fellowship of the Church with a humble integrity and honesty with each other?
I've grown up in small congregations as part of a larger conglomerate of a church that spans nation and worldwide. I've had only three pastors in my life, and the most recent two have only been in the last three years. I hold them all in respectable positions, and probably apply the fundamental attribution error to each of them, saying that I don't see them conform to this misuse of rhetoric, and if they do, it can't be their fault.
But given my lack of experience in other church settings, I wonder if other churches and their pastors use any of this? Youth rallies will tend to make use of the pathos, pulling every story and quote they can find to get the teenagers to recognize the pull of the Spirit and come to Christ. But is it authentic? Are they really feeling the Spirit, or is it merely the emotion evoked by the speaker? Or is it both?
My question is, is it right for us to do this? Are we given permission in the Great Commission to save as many souls as possible by whatever means we can? And are the principles of rhetoric, manipulation of words and persuasion of an audience, acceptable to win souls for the Kingdom? I'm not trying to generalize, and I'm not trying to accuse anyone. I'm just asking. I'll be asking a lot. And not answering much. I'll leave that up to you.