Today I mourn.
A very good friend of mine passed away this morning. To my understanding, about a year ago he was diagnosed with cancer, and it had very rapidly progressed since. On Thursday I found out he was going home with Hospice, so I knew I was just waiting. This morning, he was what we call in The Salvation Army "promoted to Glory". And I know that my friend Ray has no more suffering, no more pain, no more disease, and is with his Lord and Savior, rejoicing in fellowship.
But today, I mourn.
And primarily because of his passing, which is understandable. But I also mourn the fact that I'm now dealing with issues of faith that seem to me to be almost irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but incredibly integral to the way that I interact with other Christians in this setting. For the past year, hundreds of people were praying that Ray would experience miraculous healing. I saw phrases like,
We pray that God will give you healing and comfort. ....and....
I pray for you every day, and I know God will bless you because of how much you've blessed me. ...and.....
We love you. Know that we're praying for a fast recovery and we believe God will give it to you.
and other notes of encouragement to the believers that if we pray enough and with fervor, somehow he would get better. And it angers me to think that these people would spiritualize the situation so much that they forget the reality. And the reality is that God sometimes answers prayers with a "no". Now, I'm not looking for a debate on this. I realize that there are key aspects to having faith that I'm not acknowledging. But I'm not addressing that now. We can talk about that later.
The other thing is reminiscent of the fact that literally hundreds of people were praying for Ray to get better. And even though we know that he's in a better place, without the distress that he ended his life in, and he gets to experience the glory that most of us are longing for - - - I have to ask why? So many of us wanted Ray to get better. And we reconcile his passing with "Well, God wanted him there with Him." Does that mean that God was selfish? I want to be selfish! I know that heaven is better for Ray than here, but I want Ray back. I feel like if Ray were at his best here on earth, if he had gotten a miraculous healing, that he could have accomplished so much more. Why couldn't God give him back to us? Why didn't God let him do more for Him? And if God really wanted him so much....can't He understand that we want him that much too?
I write this in an attempt to have a bit of catharsis, because I'm tired of crying. I've cried small tears for weeks, and much more today. This is only the tip of the iceberg of what I'm feeling, and the things that I'm asking. I wish that you all could have met Ray. He was a great guy... the kind that you never forget, nor want to. I loved him. He was an example and an encourager to me, and I shall miss him dearly. And I pray for Ray's wife and son, and I ask that you do the same. I don't expect answers to these questions. If you have insight, feel free, as usual, to share it. But keep in mind the community that is mourning and questioning. We lean on our God, because we know that He will never leave or forsake us. Just like He was always with Ray.
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4 comments:
The older I get the more I see God, not as saying 'no' to our prayers but rather 'Not that way'. I'm going to bless you, but not exactly the way you asked for, or I'll bring you healing, but on a whole new level then the spiritual. It doesn't make the situation better, but God's wisdom surpasses ours and he wants to give us the BEST things, not the second best or third best ...
It's not that the prayers of the righteous went unanswered, it was that God's answer wasn't exactly what we had in mind.
I agree that we can over spiritualize things. I was preaching at a church a few years ago where a young man and brother of one of the people in the crowd had died literally that morning right before Church. He stood up and said that he didn't need to grieve because he's brother was in a better place. Wrong. We are told to grieve. Because only through grief can we reconcile and ask the tough questions like you are asking now.
I keep thinking, I don't WANT to "be strong and take courage" -- I feel weak and afraid! I've been crying a lot too. Sounds funny to say it, but I knew Raymond before you were born!!
(sigh)
I guess I just wanted to say: me too.
Yeah, those are good questions. And I'm inclined to agree with Shell...
God will always work things together for the good of those who love Him, even when we can't see the ends. As hard as it is, God must have some greater plan at work here than we can see right now. Maybe Ray's passing will work something greater than his healing.
I, of course, do not have the answers. This is very hard, and I don't always know what to do with death. Sometimes it seems unexplainable, sometimes it seems unfair. But God is Love, God is Just, and God is Merciful.
I'll be praying for you and all who have been affected by this.
I'm a bit late on this, so forgive me, but I had to chime in. I totally agree with Shell on what she said. It's still slightly surprising to me when hundreds of people spend time praying for people they know to be cured of illnesses, pain, suffering - and then we kind of take stiff breath and a step back when he answers our prayer, and not only answers it but answers it in far greater ways than we had even though. Miraculous healing occurred with your friend; from the moment he was born he was a sinner rebellious, with no intent or desire to be cured of his wicked heart with the remedy of a new one. God by his great grace regenerated him, making him alive, giving him a new desire, new mind, new will to please God, and then when it came time in God's sovereignty for him to suffer and die for the sake of the name of God, God was also faithful to do what you call "promotion to glory". That is an amazing thing.
I still struggle with how to counsel people who are having loved ones die. I'm actually really afraid of what will happen when my grandparents on my mom's side die. I don't know how to talk to people who experience others deaths as if they were there own, sometimes mingled with the sting of sin when that person was not a follower of Christ. "Promotion to glory" seems to me to be a great cause for celebration, not for mourning. I want to say that we ought to have a feast with singing and dancing, not mourning with a dirge.
But on the other hand, I have to caution myself that it is appropriate to mourn. But what should we be mourning? I do not think that it ever should have been, nor shall it ever be, the loss of that person in our life. We do want them to be there, but when we look to their death the great reason for our mourning ought to be that this is not how it should be, that our own sin has made us captives and robbed us of life. If you mourn, then mourn over our sin and fight against it with every thought, will, deed, attitude and feeling you have for the rest of our life. If you mourn, then mourn over sin and resolve that by the grace of God it will be put to death in your own heart so that you will taste death without its sting. If you mourn, then mourn over sin and see to it that no one within your reach ever will die without having heard of the great grace of God in the person and work of Jesus, that is now given to us by the power of the Holy Spirit.
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