Gut-wrencher

You ever get that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know you're supposed to do one thing, especially if it's to set an example for someone else, and you've just gotten through doing the exact opposite? And not only do you get that condemnation for not doing what you ought, but you also feel that conviction in your spirit, so your whole torso gets that twisting, tightening, gut-wrenching feeling. You know?

Yeah, me neither.

Lies. I had that entire thing yesterday. The topic of teen night was one that I had been wrestling with only a few days before, and had been soundly defeated. And despite the wrestling that I had done since with learning how to be forgiven and how to overcome this thing that was weighing me down, I still felt like it surrounded me. This sin was still holding me in bondage, it felt. And I sat there, talking to these young teens about this very sin, and how important it was to overcome it, and I didn't think that it was possible for me.

I compare this sin to the things that I want in life, because while I continue in it, I can't have what I want. I compare what I know to be right with what I want to have happen. I compare the things that I've resolved to strive for with the things that I've resorted to accepting. And I'm disappointed. And I'm dejected. And I despair in who I am. And this is where the condemnation vs. the conviction can become a trap. Condemnation is bad, conviction is good. However, the devil can use your feelings of conviction and turn that into feelings of condemnation if he knows you're vulnerable to it. And that's where I find myself.

I know who I am, and I know who I am to become. I know what price was paid for me, and I know what I need to do and change in order to fulfill the promise that accompanies my life. But I know that I mess up, like any other human being. As much as I try, and as much as I tell myself over and over what it is that I want, believing and striving for that righteousness of Christ, I still fall into sin. It happens. I gotta learn from it and move on. And that's difficult; it's hard to change your lifestyle and your mindsets. I can't let the fact that it's difficult send me into a despair that it won't be accomplished. I'm strengthened to overcome; no temptation is too difficult to disregard. I can do it. And even if not for myself, solely to set an example so that the teens that I was so embarrassed to sit in front of last night may not have to experience that same gut-wrenching feeling.

Knowledgable Hypocrisy

While talking with a friend of mine, she compared Christians with politics. The comparison wasn't favorable despite the fact that she's a Christian herself. However, she's come across an unappealing view of Christians one too many times. I think we can all agree that Christians aren't perfect and never appear to be, but when hypocrisy comes across as the overarching description, then the viewer has every right to feel jaded.
Basically, the main complaint she held was that especially when it comes to service-oriented work or Christian-based employers, all that's needed to gain favor is to say the right thing. Never mind being honest and sharing your opinion, just use the right language and you're in. Once you've got the position, you can do whatever you want, and as another friend of mine chimed in, no one will care whether your actions are right or not, as long as it looks good. Like politicians.
Hypocrisy is wrong. It shows a lack of integrity and character. And for the good guys who hold on to their standards and continually act on their own conscience and belief systems, they see the things in life that they desire go flying by and given to the ones who fake it. And they get hurt and mad and feel gypped. And let's face it, they are.
But let's face another truth: it's not going to change. You're always going to run into people who lie and cheat and steal in order to make it to the top. It's part of life; it's part of humanity. And even though these are 'Christians' who should know better than to be hypocritical and who should act accordingly, quite often it's easier or more beneficial to say the right thing and do what you want.
Here's the question that is necessary for everyone to ask of themselves. Can the hypocrisy be helped? Is it on purpose? "Oh, no! Of course not! I'd never choose to be hypocritical." No, I don't suppose you would. But are the answers given and the face shown to others portrayed because it's right? Or because it's you? Maybe you know the answer, you comprehend all of the intricacies of the information, and you can regurgitate it to look good in front of someone else. But when it comes to your actions, your speech, the way you treat others - is the same information coming out? It comes from the heart, so are the right answers heart knowledge too, or merely head knowledge? Even if we're 'the good guys', is there something that we're doing that's just as hypocritical because our knowledge hasn't transfered from head to heart? Ask yourself.