The Normal Questions?

Today I mourn.

A very good friend of mine passed away this morning. To my understanding, about a year ago he was diagnosed with cancer, and it had very rapidly progressed since. On Thursday I found out he was going home with Hospice, so I knew I was just waiting. This morning, he was what we call in The Salvation Army "promoted to Glory". And I know that my friend Ray has no more suffering, no more pain, no more disease, and is with his Lord and Savior, rejoicing in fellowship.

But today, I mourn.

And primarily because of his passing, which is understandable. But I also mourn the fact that I'm now dealing with issues of faith that seem to me to be almost irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but incredibly integral to the way that I interact with other Christians in this setting. For the past year, hundreds of people were praying that Ray would experience miraculous healing. I saw phrases like,

We pray that God will give you healing and comfort. ....and....
I pray for you every day, and I know God will bless you because of how much you've blessed me. ...and.....
We love you. Know that we're praying for a fast recovery and we believe God will give it to you.

and other notes of encouragement to the believers that if we pray enough and with fervor, somehow he would get better. And it angers me to think that these people would spiritualize the situation so much that they forget the reality. And the reality is that God sometimes answers prayers with a "no". Now, I'm not looking for a debate on this. I realize that there are key aspects to having faith that I'm not acknowledging. But I'm not addressing that now. We can talk about that later.

The other thing is reminiscent of the fact that literally hundreds of people were praying for Ray to get better. And even though we know that he's in a better place, without the distress that he ended his life in, and he gets to experience the glory that most of us are longing for - - - I have to ask why? So many of us wanted Ray to get better. And we reconcile his passing with "Well, God wanted him there with Him." Does that mean that God was selfish? I want to be selfish! I know that heaven is better for Ray than here, but I want Ray back. I feel like if Ray were at his best here on earth, if he had gotten a miraculous healing, that he could have accomplished so much more. Why couldn't God give him back to us? Why didn't God let him do more for Him? And if God really wanted him so much....can't He understand that we want him that much too?

I write this in an attempt to have a bit of catharsis, because I'm tired of crying. I've cried small tears for weeks, and much more today. This is only the tip of the iceberg of what I'm feeling, and the things that I'm asking. I wish that you all could have met Ray. He was a great guy... the kind that you never forget, nor want to. I loved him. He was an example and an encourager to me, and I shall miss him dearly. And I pray for Ray's wife and son, and I ask that you do the same. I don't expect answers to these questions. If you have insight, feel free, as usual, to share it. But keep in mind the community that is mourning and questioning. We lean on our God, because we know that He will never leave or forsake us. Just like He was always with Ray.